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Friday April 23rd: Comedy Central, racist family and beach house monstrosity…
Filed in Shoeing of the Day by Tom Artrocker at 17.25pm on 23 April 10
Comedy Central for having zero guts.
This British Family for refusing to Be Served by Black Waiter.
Simon Saunders, a millionaire who's built a 'monstrosity' of a beach hut (and his neighbours can do absolutely nothing to stop him).Welcome to my World »
Ginger Beer With Boots On
Filed in Welcome to my World by Tom Artrocker at 16.54pm on 23 April 10
Artrockers,
It may come as a surprise to find that I'm a big fan of Victorian Farm (Wiki). I guess it's the deeply buried rural me yearning for a simpler age. Or maybe it's just that I've always wanted to carry off a Bowler Hat with as much aplomb as Alex Langland. One of my favourite editions featured Peter Ginn making ginger beer, alcoholic ginger beer at that. It all seemed so simple, smash up some ginger root, add it to water and dump some brewer's yeast on top, leave it for a bit, get ginger-drunk. So I thought I'd give it a go. I sourced my ginger from the Somalian shop round the corner and drew a large bucket of water from the tap, so far so good. But could I find brewer's yeast in Brixton? I could not. So, being an adventurous sort, I decided to use bakers yeast. I mean, how different could they be? Yeast is yeast, surely? Hmmm! Two weeks later I popped the top off of my bucket of ginger delight to find that an entirely new form of life had been created in my absence - a frothy, smelly form of life that would make David Attenborough thoughtful. I'd created something halfway between bread and hell, a foaming monster with the whiff of ginger. My next task was to get rid of it, but I was hesitant about pouring it down the sink, it might breed down there, or erupt, or form a terrorist cell. So I dug a hole in the garden and buried the whole sad mess.Nothing grows in that part of the garden any more, had The Romans been in posession of my evil brew they could have saved on salt and simply sterilised the soil of Carthage with it, the smell alone would have brought The Punic Wars to a juddering halt.
I don't think I'll try again.
But I don't have to, I've come across a freely available alternative, it's called Frank's, it's made in Sweden, it's gorgeous, it's available in Tesco stores and is apparently coming soon to bars across the country; and it knocks your socks off. I'm hoping it will do for ginger beer what Manger's did for cider. And as I look out at that patch of dead earth that stands testimony to my failure I have no doubt that it will. Yum!
Tom ArtrockerWelcome to my World »
Plane Stupid
Filed in Welcome to my World by Tom Artrocker at 16.05pm on 22 April 10Artrockers,
Heaven it was here in South West London. But now the big flying machines are back, making life a misery. But we have to have these airborn leviathon's, in fact we need more of them, and a third Heathrow runway, because the wheels would fall off if our business men couldn't flit about the world having 'meetings'...Apparently. But what do we find? Oh, those planes aren't actually full of the leaders of commerce, no, they're full of holidaymakers. I think we knew that all along really. So, every 25 seconds all conversation stops as a gigantic piece of alluminium tears across the sky with an urgent consignment of...Tourists.
Do I mind having my life degraded every 25 seconds so that a bunch of teachers and their families (who else has three weeks off at Easter?) can top up their melanomas in Alicante?
You bet I do.
Malcolm McLaren will be interred toady, he would have been most familiar with the epithet: 'A cheap holiday on other people's misery', well the folks paying the miserable price for these cheap holidays are people, like me, who live on flight paths. Back in 2007, predicting the recession, I wrote: 'It's time to stop flying around the world, meeting people of other cultures and buying their houses', but we learn nothing, we've learned nothing from the bank fiasco and the MPs disgraceful behaviour as we troll about the world in flying tin cans pretending that everything is fine - it isn't. And talk of 'tragedy' and 'crisis' when applied to people whose priority is topping up their suntans is a ridiculous insult to us all. As far as I'm concerned they can all walk back.
Tom ArtrockerWelcome to my World »
The Greatest Frontman of All Time?
Filed in Welcome to my World by Tom Fawcett at 16.28pm on 25 March 10Artrockers,
there's nothing better for a Thursday morning hangover than a good laugh - it blows the evil away. So big thanks to Q Magazine today for cracking me up big time. You see, the readers of this august journal have had an election (no, not an erection, we're talking about Q readers here) to decide who, in their opinion, was the greatest frontman of all time. Hmmmm, that's a tough one. The mind races, so many great performers, I plump for Iggy Pop, not because I actually think he's the best but because I'm trying to put myself into the mindset of a Q reader (and what a shocking experience that is). But no, in fact Iggy isn't even in the top 20. So shall I tell you who won?
Make sure you haven't got a mouth full of tea because if you have it's about to get sprayed all over your monitor. The greatest frontman of all time, according to Q readers is.... Liam Gallagher.
There you go, and if there's Tetley juice all over your desk you only have yourself to blame, I did warn you. Yes indeed, Liam 'I'll just stand here with my hands behind my back' Gallagher is the people's choice. I found out about this lovely piece of amusement via The Independent website, which had one lonely, but entirely to the point comment appended below. It read, and this made me laugh all over again for its wonderfully understated Britishness: "I think this would be an appropriate time for us all to reflect quietly for a moment about the readers of Q Magazine."
For your further entertainment here is the top 20;
1) Liam Gallagher
2) Bono
3) Freddie Mercury
4) Damon Albarn
5) Chris Martin
6) Matt Bellamy
7) Jim Morrison
8) Bob Marley
9) Paul McCartney
10) John Lennon
11) Robbie Williams
12) Debbie Harry
13) Mick Jagger
14) Morrissey
15) John Lydon
16) James Brown
17) Bruce Springsteen
18) Robert Plant
19) Tom Meighan
20) Joe Strummer
Chris Martin? Matt Bellamy? Paul McCartney (presumably for his fabulous X-Factor appearance and double-thumb dancing)? Tom Meighan (I had to look him up)?
I wonder what a similar poll of Artrockers would produce?
Email me your favourites tom[at]artrockermagazine.com.GamesRocker Plus »
Red Dead Redemption Trailer: Gentlemen & Vagabonds
Filed in GamesRocker Plus at 15.12pm on 25 March 10
Presenting the latest video from Red Dead Redemption, “Gentlemen & Vagabonds”. An introduction to just a few of the men of repute and dubious valor you’ll meet across the frontier – including Nigel West Dickens, Seth Briars, Professor Harold MacDougal and many more. Now available for viewing in high-definition at rockstargames.com/reddeadredemption.
_thumb.jpg "Atari Teenage Riot")
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