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Chickenhawk’s Super Summer Safety Guide
Hardcore rock bastards Chickenhawk explain how you can stay safe this summer, with a little help from ridiculous amounts of booze...
1. Cover yourself in loads of tribal tattoos that apparently say 'Carpe Diem' but actually say 'Bellend.'
2. Wear a string vest.
3. Take loads of muscle enhancements.
4. Pump loads of iron.
5. Drink lots of awful booze thats been filtered by fish heads.
6. Burn yourself in the sun repeatedly.
7. Pay £10,000 to go to a festival where you don't even watch the bands.
8. Eat awful meat products off a rubbish tiny throw away barbecue.
9. Drink more booze so you don't remember any of the previous.
10. Tell everyone you had an amazing summer upon your return to your vomit inducing job.
Repeat every year.
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