Diary of a Secret Gig - by Spring Offensive

10:45am - A man was arrested outside our house. For riding a bike it seemed. Well, I am sure he did a bit more than that in order to get himself nicked. However to the innocent passer-by, the arrest, rather the arrestee did look a little suspect. As did we while we loaded a white van, parked half up some steps, full of slide projectors, cables and chintzy lamps. We vowed to make that the only time we saw the police today. Particularly as Matt had to take the whole backline, and everything for the show to a speed awareness course. Lucky he was wearing his ‘I love speeding’ t-shirt. Nothing like a joke to diffuse tension. We went our separate ways to regroup later in the evening.

5pm – We arrived at the East Oxford Community Centre, which is a kind of village hall type affair, nothing fancy, just a big ol’ room which houses anything from salsa classes to Persian rug sales. We started clearing the room of all the clutter.

5:15 – Between three of us, we carted six slabs of metal staging, four Christmas trees, an enormous white parachute, and a couple of slide projectors into the hall. This, we hope, will become our set.

6:00 – Screen-printed red posters bearing one word each from the phrase HOME IS WHEREVER MY RENT GOES are put up around the room. By the end of the night these will all be gone, no doubt each now adorning the walls of people all over Oxfordshire.

6:15 – As we scrambled about trying to get as much done as possible before our allotted time, a knock on the door was followed by a yoga class streaming in, laying out their matts and getting ready for some meditation in the space that will soon become our gig. We apologized for the unusual decorations, but they didn’t seem to mind, presumably because they would be transcending the Community Centre shortly, and a few Christmas trees were unlikely to concern them.

6:15-7:30 – We drove home to make and eat a rushed and nervy dinner. Panic was starting to sit in as we attempted to melt a ball of cheese the size of your fist into bowls of pasta.

7:40 – Deep breathes. Digestion. Return to the East Oxford Community Centre.

8:00 – As this point we had one hour until we were due to open doors. With everything having arrived, all we needed was the room. Like baying wolves at the door, we were PA, amps, drums in hand, waiting for the doors to open…

8:10 – At this point the group of helpers and ourselves are mostly pacing around. And chain-smoking. I imagine this is what it feels like on the grid waiting for the lights to turn green. Probably. Time to interrupt the meditation…?

8:12 – A polite knock, and we were in. With just over 45 minutes to go, we went to work.

8:15 – All systems were go, about 15 of us going from 0-60 in no time at all. A glorious mess of cables and lights coiled out in the middle of the floor, before finally finding the way to its right place. An entire PA was erected in no time at all, which was convenient, considering we were racing the clock. I’m sure there’s a timelapse of it all somewhere.

8:30 – With everything looking perfect, it was time to see how it sounded. Tense moments as we start checking the drums. One channel doesn’t work. Fine, try the next. That one doesn’t work either. Ok, time to panic (again)? Oh wait, the third one worked fine, and the others did too. We had sound!

8:45 – With people already queuing up outside in the cold, we were so close to finishing. As it was a free gig, we didn’t know if anyone was going to bother coming, especially with sleet having been lashing down all afternoon. At this point though, we didn’t really have time to think about that.

8:55 – We raced through a couple of half songs, and, with everything seemingly in miraculous order, we left the room. Mostly to hide, and to stop thinking about setting up and start thinking about playing

9:05 – We opened the floodgates, and people streamed in.

9:20 – So we took to the stage, only five minutes late. Taking a moment before we played, we looked up and saw the hall was wall-to-wall packed. It was an amazing feeling as we ripped into our first chords.

9:20-10:15 –After weeks of preparation, and an incredibly hectic evening, just playing a gig felt blissfully simple, which it is really. But it’s everything that went on around it. Without middlemen, just help from a handful of invaluable friends, we had planned, promoted, set up and played a show from scratch. It was just incredibly satisfying, and a whole heap of fun. It flew by.

10:15-11 – After a brief pause for breath, we packed everything down, clear it into the van, swept up the pine needles, and headed home.

VIDEO BY SAM KING