The Emperor’s Demo Dungeon #1

Welcome my pretties, to my review of some of the latest and most dreadful unsigned sounds out there. Don't laugh at the back there, or I will snap your neck with my mind. Oh yes.

Things have been, shall we say, quiet on the Death Star lately, so it is a great pleasure to have this temping job with Artrocker. But if I hear a bad or even average band... oh dear oh dear. Suffice to say they will be dispatched into the eternal void of outer space. Ha ha ha ha! Aha! Aha! Don't laugh at the back there.

So let us make a mockery of some of these victims. First up are THE FUZZ. These pathetic humans play jazz rock with a pelvis-thrusting singer. Actually the solos and general heat of the band is quite brilliant. So they will escape my death pinch.

RATING: ALLIES OF THE DARK SIDE

Next up are TO THE MOON ALICE or TTMA for short. These scavengers are what you might call 'a mental party band', and their music features lashings of rave sounds, disco beats, and ranting vocals. Their music has encouraged my knee to gently tap against the floor.

Here is a photo of them pulling a 'camp' pose. Ha ha. Ha. I am not amused.

RATING: DEATH STAR HOUSE BAND



Another band who will not be feeling the cold hand of death this week are THE KID JONES, primarily because of their ability to mix stadium-style vocals with a slightly apocalyptic funkiness. On the dark side of things (that was my little joke) they could perhaps do with a lazer-zapping up the arse during the slower tunes, however. For the most part though… very good, very good.

RATING: ALLIES IN NEED OF OCCASIONAL DEATH PINCH

And now I must take my weak lemon drink back on the Death Star. I'll leave you with the delightfully upbeat folk-pop of ROKHSAN. There is not a great deal that can warm my cold, evil heart - but these summery tunes are really rather adorable. The compositions... the pianos... nice nice. I think I might even join the Light side of the force after this (that was another of my little jokes).

RATING: ALLIE OF THE DARK SIDE



WOULD YOU LIKE YOUR BAND TO BE REVIEWED BY THE EMPEROR? EMAIL emperorsdemos[at]gmail.com TO BE CONSIDERED BY THE DARK SIDE.