Madness / Chas / Hurts @ Camp Bestival

Little people. Little people. Everywhere. That was our first impression of Camp Bestival. Still, I’m a big kid at heart.

Friday sees George Clinton with 20 performers on stage with him: it’s a funk feast for eyes and ears – all pimptastic outfit changes, big hats and sequined singers on roller skates. Musical comic Tim Minchin was hilarious in The Big Top. His complete blank on lyrics halfway through ‘Taboo (The Ginger Song)’ was saved by a random trombonist.

Over in Cocktails & Dreams, The Cuban Brothers let it all hang out, break dancing in tasseled jumpsuits and then Carol Decker appeared on stage and sang. Yes, that Carol Decker. Yes, really.

Saturday: Crazy tricksters flung themselves through the air at high speed on bikes, boards and blades at the skate park. The sun was shining. The fancy dress theme was Fairy Tales. The three little pigs went by with a wolf-as-prisoner. I swung by the Literature Tent to catch the brilliant Deborah Kay Davies, and spotted young novelist Richard Milward in the crowd. Over at Animal Farm I look at all the feathered and fluffy creatures. On the way I see some opera, and a tipi blasts out recordings by dead poets.

Hurts play high-pitched electro. They play ‘Better Than Love’. They say “you can dance if you want,” and some people do. Floppy-fringed computer-game beeper and bleeper Unicorn Kid is ace. I fit in a stomping dose of The Nextmen before headliners Madness. “I never realised what a massive Madness fan I am,” says my plus one. Later that night Bucks Fizz play Cocktails & Dreams.

Ultimate Cockney geezer Chas (Chas & Dave) takes a turn on the old Joanna on Sunday. Next, I go exploring, discovering the giant stage letters from the Madness gig have been rearranged to spell ASSMEN backstage. Kids sing Pink Floyd’s ‘Another Brick in the Wall’ at the Isle of Boden and I watch a demonstration on making balloon animals.

I heart Hendrix-lookalike Lewis Floyd Henry, a charismatic one-man-band who sits under a signpost to Somewhere Else and sings ‘Mr Triple Bypass’. I also loved Welsh pals of mine The Dukes Box – a human jukebox, they play Eminem’s ‘The Real Slim Shady’ and RATM’s ‘Killing In The Name Of’. They use a horn to bleep out the expletives and go down a storm.

DJ Derek is a legend. I dance up front with a Friends-of-Bestival crowd that includes a Cuban Brother and Rob Da Bank. Rob finishes up the night with Queen’s ‘Don’t Stop Me Now’ and the music cuts out at the 1am curfew, that is far too early for most.