Welcome to my World

Glasto Gels

Filed in Welcome to my World by Tom Artrocker at 9.37am on 25 June 10
Artrockers...
It has become custom at this time of year to detail why I won't be going to Glastonbury, which always makes me very unpopular with the event organisers, but this year I'll relent, largely because somebody already did it for me here. So this year I expect Neil McCormick will get the dead badger nailed to his door by the Eavis clan (or whatever it is those strange west country types do with their spare time when the cider runs out) instead of me. Ha Ha.
The Independent gets the boot in too: '...expertly policed, conspicuously middle-class affairs awash with cash machines, phone-charging booths and organic food and with all the rebellious spirit of the Proms.'
The Guardian has Paul Morley interviewing La Roux on the subject in which she states that when told that they shouldn't go to Glastonbury her sister 'and the whole year' at Pimlico School went anyway. Well Ellie, as somebody with links to that school I can categorically assure you that 'the whole year' did not go to Glastonbury, only the middle-class ones...inbibing the rebelious spirit of the Proms.
Even The Daily Mail is in on the act: 'In Hunter wellies and Top Shop frocks, the middle-class gels do Glastonbury'. That's you that is Ellie.
So there you go, the Papers have done the job for me this year, I don't have to say a word, just stand over here and quietly enjoy the rest of the media landing the punches. Looks like they'll have to find a job-lot of badgers, doors for the nailing to this year. But not my door, not this year.

Tom Artrocker

STOP PRESS: This hot news just in courtesy of nme.com: 'Emily Eavis live from the Glastonbury: It's filling up'. Which has to be the definition of stating the bloody obvious, what's next, 'Live from Glastonbury: People are sleeping in tents'?
As Hi as Fi Will Go

Filed in Welcome to my World by Tom Artrocker at 12.02pm on 17 June 10
Artrockers,
As a teenage rock‘n’roller I had two obsessions (apart from the obvious). Most of my waking hours were spent planning my weekend record purchase, which was always dependent on how much money I had (capitalism eh - ‘twas always thus), but even if it was only 99p there’d always be something in the ‘reduced’ box for less than a quid. And my lack of funds often lead me to buy cheap albums by artists I’d never usually consider - and the result was that my musical taste was broadened - a very good thing. (I even bought ELP’s Tarkus and Pictures At An Exhibition because they only cost £1.49. It was only when I played them that I realised they were obscenely over-priced.)
Obsession number two was Hi-Fi, after all, not much point having an expanding record collection if you couldn’t listen to it. From Dansette I progressed, via my parent’s radiogram, to ‘separates’. Comet had opened one of its first stores on the other side of Birmingham, here I bought a Solavox amplifier, which sat on as shelf in my bedroom for about six months before I could afford a deck (BSR McDonald). Now I could borrow my big brother’s headphones and listen to my records, which was OK, but what I really wanted was some booming speakers. I ended up making my own enclosures from chip-board and filled them with 12” speakers purchased second hand. This was my first hi-fi. But I didn’t stop there, I was always improving, updating, dreaming of owning; a Quad amp, Wharfedale speakers and a Transcriptors deck…my holy grail. All that mattered to me was that one day I’d be able to hear my records as loud and as pure as possible. It was all about quality, the hunt for perfect sound…on a budget.
I don’t own a hi-fi anymore, I have a ‘set’ (the modern equivalent of my parent’s radiogram but without the bass) and a PC. Various members of my family own iPods and spend much of their time listening to music through a ‘dock’. And the thing about these docks is that, when combined with the low quality of MP3s, they sound considerably worse than my old Dansette. What’s that about? Why is the quality if sound no longer important? Why is ‘tinny’ acceptable? Why has the quality of sound become irrelevant? Why does new technology so often lead to a decline in quality (see: digital radio and TV)? And, perhaps most importantly, why do we put up with it?

Tom Artrocker
The Big Day

Filed in Welcome to my World by Tom Artrocker at 10.01am on 11 June 10
Artrockers,
there's something happening today, and you don't need me to tell you what it is. We've waited patiently, we've become over-excited at the prospect and now, at last, it's happening. Yes indeed, the latest issue of Artrocker Magazine hits the shelves today and the whole world is celebrating, blowing those horns I used to think were called Uwe Seelers after the great West German footballer renowned for his over-head kicks, and dancing in the streets of JoBerg, which is confusing because we had no idea that Artrocker was so popular in South Africa. Maybe it's John and Jehn on the cover, maybe it's the presence of Adam Green, Rolo Tomassi, The Pipettes and Stornoway? Or perhaps they're rightly excited by the size of the reviews section (nobody reviews more singles and albums than Artrocker), and the bevy of new bands in the New Blood section - who knows? Of course it could always be the Art section, or the fashion section that thinks it's the Art section, or the games and book reviews...Or is it my new 'News From The Block' column - I'd like to think so. They're right to be excited, it really is a belter, the sort of issue that, for any other magazine occurs every four years. At Artrocker we knock 'em out every four weeks, and that makes all the difference.

Tom Artrocker

PS Do check out our review of the secret Strokes gig at Dingwall's - Artrocker was there - I wasn't - boo hoo!
My new festival car

Filed in Welcome to my World by Tom Artrocker at 9.55am on 04 June 10

Artrockers,
yesterday I took delivery of a new car, a very shiny, very big, green car. That's to say it's painted green, it's not an Eco-car, but it is a diesel, the first one I've ever owned, which means I have to concentrate very hard when I go to fill her up or, well, you know, shiny new car with luncheon meat engine. The other thing I'm having trouble coming to terms with is the handbrake; I'm used to a handbrake that developes the muscles in the left arm, a good industrial lever, but my new car doesn't have anything like that - the handbrake is a button and it's either 'on' or 'off' - very disconcerting. Oh, and the interior is beige, or 'nude' as they're calling it in fashion circles - this summer's hot look. So my car has a nude interior...hmmm. But for all that, my new car has been purchased with the festival season in mind, it is resplendent with cup-holders and things you can plug stuff into, like lap-tops, mobiles, kettles amnd washing machines. Maybe not washing machines, but you get my drift. And should the tent blow away you can stretch out on my nude interior and listen to the DAB radio.
So which festivals will my new car be attending this summer? Well, first up we'll be motoring down to Kent for the Hop Farm Festival (2 /3 July) simply because I've never seen either Dylan or Van Morrison play live (however, Morrison's Too Let To Stop Now is definitely my favourite Live album of all time) and, well, you really don't know how much longer they'll be about. Then we'll tootle of to the 1234 Festival (Saturday 24th July) here in sunny London to check out the Artrocker stage, bursting with new talent. We, me and the car, will round things up at Offset (September 4 / 5) where Artrocker will once again command the main stage and play host to the likes of Mystery Jets, 80s Matchbox, These New Puritans, Factory Floor...All the cool stuff basically.
Of course my new car could get into Underage too, it's only a baby, but I am not, so I'll just have to hear about how it went on our stage from the Artrocker Youngers. It'll be amazing - it always is.

Tom Artrocker
The Pop Group and The 100 Greatest

Filed in Welcome to my World by Tom Artrocker at 14.47pm on 27 May 10
Artrockers,
I must admit to being a little over-excited by the prospect of a Pop Group reunification. Yes, it's happening, and there will be gigs, a couple at The Garage in September just to kick things off. But where do The Pop Group sit in the pantheon of artrock? Well, pretty high I reckon. They were a funny bunch though weren't they? When I think back there were, it seemed to me, three main protagonists; Mark Stewart (vocals), Gareth Sager (guitar) and drummer Bruce Smith. Mark Stewart seemed to me to be the 'political' one, I remember stories of him bursting into tears whenever he thought of the woeful state of the world, carrying the cares of the globe on his back. He was never a singer of course, more of a ranter, and he was even more of a ranter than Mark E Smith. So Mark was the 'serious' one. Gareth was the performer, seemingly oblivious to the 'heavy' subject matter Gareth put on a show, fully realising his frontman potential when he swapped bass for sax with Rip Rig and Panic. And then there was drummer Bruce. What a drummer! Every so often a tub-thumper comes along and blows your mind, that's exactly what Bruce did to me. One of my fondest memories is of Bruce playing stand-in drummer for The Slits at The Communist Party festie at the Ally Pally...1980? He was incredible!
Do you have Pop Group memories? If so, please send them to me.
Having said all that I have to admit that The Pop Group only made an 'honourable mention' in our 100 Greatest Ever Artrock Tracks with 'She's Beyond Good and Evil'. I can only apologise, but at the same time, in our defence, at least we remembered them. Go look The Pop Group up on Google, there's hardly anything there - even the Wiki entry is poor. However, The Pop Group do pop-up on our Spotify 100 playlist, it's still one hell of a listen, blending the new with the classic - and it's the number 1 playlist on Spotify, which is nice. So have a listen, have a look at the list on Artrocker.tv and, at the very least, settle your mind as to what actually constitutes Artrock.

Tom Artrocker

PS See you at The Gaff on Monday for some serious all day heaviness. myspace.com/newheavysounds