Welcome to my World

  1. Morning Radio

    Filed in Welcome to my World by Tom Artrocker at 16.42pm on 25 November 10

    Artrockers,
    What do you listen to in the morning? When the alarm goes off, which radio station do you tune to? Do you like a bit of Indie for breakfast (6 Music, Xfm)? Or maybe you prefer to wake up to the endlessly depressing news stories (Radio 4, 5Live) which, when you listen a little closer aren't really news stories at all. Rather, that headline that said: 'We're all dying from eating too much butter' is revealed as: 'The Society For The Banning of Butter today announced a poll that reveals that they were right all along'. It's news because The Society For Banning Butter have employed a PR who has a mate on The Today show. Or maybe you prefer comfy chat and inane humour, in which case you're already tuned to Radio 2, any of the local BBC stations or commercial radio. Perhaps you like a belly laugh with the first cuppa of the day (Radio7)? Personally, the last thing I need as my eyes emerge from their snug retreat is humour, I like a laugh as much as the next misanthrope, but not in the morning. And the same goes for music, of any form. What I like first thing in the morning is to be driven to the point of explosion by 'news' on 4 or 5. I can think of no better device for making me leap from my bed than having my ear chewed by a 'spokesperson' for a particular pressure group at 7am. And if that doesn't work Thought For The Day trots along before 8 - I only have to hear: 'On a recent visit to Vietnam I found myself thinking, as I gazed across The Mekon Delta, that Jesus would have used margarine' and I'm in the bathroom looking for the toilet roll (there isn't any, it's in the downstairs toilet - always check before committing the buttocks or you'll end up using the boss' make-up removing cotton wool discs, resulting in an annoyed boss when it's make-up removal time and there are no discs left and, inevitably, a fluffy butt).
    Hell, maybe you like a bit of Radio 3 at sparrow's fart, in which case you are a teacher and live in Cheltenham.
    This is important stuff, making the wrong radio choice at the start of the day can put a serious crease in your mood for the next 12 hours. As of tomorrow morning I'll be avoiding any news from Australia until I've had breakfast and a gasper, this morning I blithely turned the radio only to be regaled with a tale of tail-end woe. I could certainly do without that first thing in the morning, anything but that. Now, where's the butter?

    Tom Artrocker

  2. The Beatles Boob

    Filed in Welcome to my World by Tom Artrocker at 14.29pm on 17 November 10

    Artrockers,
    The Beatles on iTunes - a good thing? Discuss. Not much to discuss as far as I'm concerned - it is not a good thing. And Christian Ward, writing in yesterday's Guardian seems to agree: 'Couldn't the biggest band in the history of pop have found a way of placing their music online without it becoming just another commodity in Apple's gadget-flogging industrial complex?' he continued: 'the addition of such celebrated music to an online store that isn't really about music at all (it's about selling expensive white boxes) is perhaps symbolic of the way in which popular songs – magical things, each with its own history, influence and effect – are ill-served by iTunes.' To which I add my own 'Amen'. Yes, the music industry have handed the crown jewels to a computer company, one day they'll have to stand before the final jury and explain exactly how they managed to do that, how they managed to scuttle their own business and then hand over the salvage rights to the people who were pulling out the plugs. It doesn't make any sense to me, never has. I find myself banging the noodle against the wall everytime I think about it. But it's done, and there may be no way back. As a callow youth I studied Economics, inelasticity of demand, all that stuff, most of which has slipped from my brain as smoke, but I do recall that we spent a great deal of time discussing the anathema of the business world: Monopolies. The Yanks hate them and so do we. When I was studying I seem to recall that anything over a 30% market share might be considered a monopoly and dangerous for the market - so I was surprised to discover that iTunes alledgedly has a 70% market share in Europe and approaching 30% in the USA. Even in the days of the distributor giants (EMI, PHONGRAM, CBS) none of them achieved a 70% market share, and if they had there would have been hell to pay. The last government (rot their souls) mucked about with monopolies legislation, pulled its teeth and left it huddled in a corner begging for mercy, so now we have to look to Europe to sort out our mess. The iTunes monopoly is being investigated in Europe and the USA, but don't expect anything to come of it.
    The Beatles will no doubt be on Spotify any day now, don't even start me on Spotify, it really is the craziest thing in the universe.

    Tom Artrocker

    Last week I asked which was best; That'll Be The Day or Stardust and asked for your Rock'n'Roll Movie nominations. Here are just a few of the responses;

    Have to go with That'll be the day as the better one...just for keith moon with a teddy boy get up..
    It also shows what the 50s were like in the uk, none of the freedom and rock and roll of the 50s usa had, still had rationing, meters for the electricity and the only fun was a quick knee trembler behind the dodgems while nobody was looking. Stardust has its moments too, but overall I'd watch That'll be the day if it was starting in 5 mins..neither of them aren't as good as The Rutles though..
    -chris

    -

    Hi Tom,
    I love your editorial emails, as ever! My votes for top rock movies are:

    Decline of Western Civilization
    Fugazi’s “Instrument”
    Hated: GG Allin and the Murder Junkie
    Ta,
    Pete

    -


    Tom -- I don't think I ever sent you Garry Mulholland's Popcorn -- essays on Greatest Rock 'n'Roll movies, published earlier this year. (Stardust and That'll Be the Day get the thumbs-up from memory).
    Wild Style is my favourite, I think, Babylon not bad; Quadrophenia (for obvious choice), and The Harder they Come (if that counts) (Almost Famous the worst turkey ever). Garry M's no.1 in the book is Privilege from 1967
    all best, Ian

    My Favorite: That Thing You Do!

    Answer to question: TWBTD

    also, I just rented Get Him to the Greek, and that was effing hilarious.

    -tricia
    eenie meenie records

    -

    I'd have to say Slade in Flame! No contest, and they actually don't do too badly with the acting. "I'm not a fish finger" is a great quote.
    Stardust is good if only to have Peter Duncan from Blue Peter in his pants having a food fight with Keith Moon, and That'll Be the Day I find a bit dull.
    Stardust is good. But so is Flame, made at the same time and set in the same period.
    John

    -

    hey dude
    I always love reading your emails, never more so when you revealed yourself as a huge Numan fan - as Numanoids go, I'm a fairly casual fan, only seen him in concert 64 times. But still - a wizard, a true star.

    Have to chime in on the rock movie debate - have you ever seen 1980 cult classic Times Square? The mayor's daughter gangs up with a runaway on the streets of NY, form a punk group? If you have NOT, I will send you a DVD TODAY, since I always have a few spares for occasions such as this.

    keep up the great work. Charlie.

    -

    My choice:

    Roadie [IMDB link]

    This is a proper trashy B-movie with excellent appearances from Roy Orbison, Blondie and Alice Cooper to name a few!
    x
    Jackie

  3. Greatest Rock Movies - Your Call

    Filed in Welcome to my World by Tom Artrocker at 15.59pm on 10 November 10

    Artrockers,
    Yesterday I got into conversation with Artrocker Design head-honcho Rich Lucas about Rock and Roll Movies. As well being the man with the pineal eye and a world expert On The Jesus And Mary Chain (check out the latest Artrocker with JAMC on the cover if you don't believe me) Rich's degree dissertation was about Rock and Roll Movies (the man has more strings to his bow than...a guy with a lot of string) so, seeing as our Xmas bumper issue (out Dec 3) will feature the subject it would seem rude, not to say neglectful, to not refer to him on the subject. It didn't take long for us to disagree. You see, Rich says That'll Be The Day is cool and Stardust is to be avoided - and I feel exactly the opposite. For me That'll Be The Day encapsulates all I hate about the 50s, a repressive society desperately in need of the 60s. Whereas Stardust is all woozy with new freedoms, a reflection of the rejection of 50s small 'c' conservatism, with all its negative consequences.
    What do you think? TWBTD or Stardust? And what do you consider the greatest rock movies ever made? Let's get a list together, we all love a list.
    Please send your contributions on the back of a plain white e-mail to: tom[at]artrockermagazine[dot]com

    And if you haven't already copped a copy of the latest Artrocker with the aforementioned JAMC feature...Well, you know, do.

    Tom Artrocker

  4. Warpaint or Snorepaint?

    Filed in Welcome to my World by Tom Artrocker at 14.22pm on 03 November 10

    Artrockers,
    What? What's that? Sorry, I must have nodded off listening to Warpaint. I'm sure I'm not alone. The use of the word 'paint' is interesting in this context, as in: 'like watching paint dry'. A lot of apparently sensible people have been going on about this bunch like they're the second coming, even level-headed Paul Artrocker gave me the nudge about them some time ago; so I checked them out and asked Paul if he'd been taking something (of course he hadn't, never has and never would- in stark contrast to your correspondent) like quaaludes for instance ( a sedative-hypnotic drug that is similar in effect to barbiturates, a general central nervous system depressant. Its use peaked in the 1960s and 1970s as a hypnotic, for the treatment of insomnia, and as a sedative and muscle relaxant.) . There was a time, about 35 years ago, when quaaludes were the drug of choice for Californian youth, for reasons I've never got my head around, and it resulted in some of the dullest music ever committed to vinyl and created a youth movement that claimed getting out of bed as a revolutionary stance. Which brings us back to Warpaint who....No, it's no good, just thinking about them is making the eye-lids droop. Of course there's nothing wrong with them, their music is OK (damned with faint praise), and definitely recommended for insomniacs. I'm sure they're charming people who phone their mother's regularly - an average American band (they seem to be crawling out of the hole in the woodwork created by the pratty, sorry, I mean preppy Vampire Weekend right now - somebody call Rentokil).
    Am I missing something here? No, but something missed me, I must have been ducking the day the hype machine decided to spew the 'paint' about. But the comic got it full in the face apparently, maybe they'd been on the mandrax?

    Tom Artrocker

    ps Last week I mentioned that The Indy had removed the comments section from Julie Burchill's weekly column, no doubt stung by my rebuke it has returned this week where the Indinistas are having heart attacks about Ms Burchill's opinion of Stephen Fry here

  5. Julie Burchill, Ari Up and John Lydon

    Filed in Welcome to my World by Tom Artrocker at 14.48pm on 29 October 10

    Artrockers,
    I've always been a fan of Julie Burchill, that's ALWAYS. For me she's never put a foot wrong and exists, rather like Mr Clarkson, to prick our liberal concensus and take the righteous piss out of the self righteous. She is, even now, rock'n'roll to the core, if your definition of rock'n'roll is; upsetting the apple cart, pissing on the establishment and holding a mirror up to pompous prats . It's not a matter of 'everything she says is right', but it is a matter of applauding the fact that she has the guts to say it. And where does she say it these days? In The Independent, natural home to the waffling-class - and it drives the readers nuts! Each week she gobs on a sacred cow or two and the Indinista go blue with anger - some of the comments reveal their nasty tempers and expose their hypocrisy. So I wasn't surprised to find that the comments section has been removed from her coulmn in it's on-line manifestation - not surprised but saddned, largely because I thoroughly enjoyed reading the bile that readers flung at her, exposing themselves as bigots and potential fascistic censors ('she souldn't be allowed to say that'). Today she has something to say about Lauren Booth's conversion to Islam - have a look here.

    I have similar feelings about Ari Up. As a member of The Slits she had no time for cant and posturing, in fact the bare-breasted cover of Cut sent the sisterhood into a rage - too blinkered to realise that this was an act of REAL emancipation. She, and the other Slits scared the willies out of me. It was the honesty that did it, a prime component of Punk that people often over-look, shared by Ms Burchill. If you asked a dumb question you got the answer you deserved - an attitude shared by John Lydon et al. I once asked him; 'Where did it all go wrong John?'
    He glanced at the double brandy I'd just bought him, then at me, laughed and walked off to climb into his limo. I learned more about Punk that night than Jon Savage could communicate in a hundred books.

    Tom Artrocker

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