7th May 2009

Artrockers,

let me get this out of the way first - the new issue of Artrocker Magazine is now in the shops - which shops you ask? These shops I reply: be amazed at how the new album nearly split Maximo Park, be enthralled at the KASMS, be appalled at the story of Rank Deluxe's split, be entertained by a Televised Crimewave, catch up with the latest instalment in The Rough Trade Story, groove along to our Festival Guide, thrill at the New Bloods; Youves, Silhouette, Band Of Skulls, Cuddly Shark and Frankmusik, discover an alien spaceship in Austin with The Cheek, win loads of stuff including a Fender, marvel at our triple-headed albums of the month and page after page of new single, album and game reviews, and you can smarten up your act with 12 pages of street fashion.

OK, commercial over, you can look again. Now then, who would you ban from entering the country? Jacqui 'not waving but drowning' Smith reckons we need protecting from American 'shock-jocks' we'd never heard of 'til she stuck her snubby into the pit. This is, of course, ridiculous. But surely there are folks we shouldn't allow in, here are some of my nominations; Tom Henning Ovrebo (who he?), the referee of last night's Champion's League sem-final - he should never have been let in in the first place, Peter Sunde, Fredrik Neij, Gottfrid Svarthol and Carl Lundström (seems to be a bit of an anti-Scandy motif emerging here), the dirty little fences behind Pirate Bay, especially Carl Lundstrom who has, alledgedly, connections with European Far Right parties, Michel Platini (he hates us, we hate him), The Killers, Miley Cyrus and Kanye West simply because they and the dribbling shit that pours from them is an insult to intelligent people, Billary Clinton cos they make my skin creep and Berlsuconi for the same reason but with added Grecian 2000.

But my list of the British who should be exiled to a small rock in the Aegean and slowly poisoned to death (those Roman emperors knew a thing or two) is a great deal longer than my list of foriegners who shouldn't be allowed in - the real enemy isn't at the gates, he lives next door!

Send your nominations to: .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address)

P.S. Get yourselves over to bbc.co.uk/bbctrust/bbc-radio-2-and-6-music and fill in the on-line survey into 6 Music - if enough of us get the message across then maybe we can have that exciting radio station back to replace the sad sack of shit that it has become thanks to the endless array of 'comedians' who stink the place up.